Why is dating so hard?

If you're a single woman in your mid-to-late 20s and 30s and dating feels exhausting, pointless, and hopeless, you're not alone and you're not imagining it.

Dating in 2026 is objectively difficult. I keep hearing the same statements from the women I work with, "All my friends are getting married and starting families," and "What if I end up alone for the rest of my life?" The anxiety and fear that dating brings up, (let alone dating in the midst of social media, dating apps, and AI companionship), is real and deserves compassion.

The Many Barriers

A 2026 study from The Institute for Family Studies recently found that while many young adults, aged 22-36, desire to date ... and only 1 in 3 are actively dating. The article is called, "State of Our Unions 2026: The Dating Recession," and it shows there are real barriers to starting and continuing a lasting dating relationship. Some of the barriers include: financial worry, lack of confidence in dating skills, and a lack of dating resilience - the ability to bounce back after a bad date or relationship setback.

Dating App Fatigue

There is also a general feeling of fatigue when it comes to dating apps. While the options seem endless while scrolling, there is also a sense of disconnection and hopelessness: "why keep trying if it never works out?" Many young adults want to meet someone in a more conventional way, such as while doing their usual daily tasks or while engaging in a much-loved hobby. But there can be a sense of scarcity when compared to the vast numbers of dating app subscribers

The EMDR Therapy lens

Dating doesn't just cost time, money, and energy. It also brings up some of our most vulnerable feelings: worth, belonging, rejection, and trust.

As an EMDR Therapist, I often see that dating is so hard because it brings up echoes of something older. A friend from adolescence who one day just stopped being your friend. Beliefs formed by trauma: I'm too much, I'm not enough, or People always leave me.

Common symptoms:

-Overwhelming anxiety when someone doesn't text you back

-Losing interest when someone is kind and engaged

-Feeling you have to perform to be loved

-Choosing people who feel familiar but aren't good for you

Understanding why dating feels so charged may be the first step towards getting what you want: a secure, trusting relationship.

EMDR is a type of therapy that can help the brain reprocess old, stuck experiences that inform your nervous system to this day. This way, present day moments can stop carrying the weight of the past.

If you're interested in learning more about EMDR, or if you would just like a place to talk freely about your current and past dating experiences, you can reach out to me here.

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